I think it's because I knew it was coming, and when I'd last gone to see her a couple days ago, she looked awful from the cancer that had spread to her liver, turning her skin and eyes yellow and swelling her ankles. When I'd gotten in my car to leave I'd closed my eyes and hoped she wouldn't linger on...like that.

Or, maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. I've been so busy worrying about her (as well as about myself, as I've been imagining that I have just about every symptom she had)-- maybe it will take awhile to sink in.

When I got in the car to leave work today after hearing the news, I flipped on the radio and heard a Paul Simon song that said, "Who's gonna love you when your looks are gone? God will,
Like he waters the flowers on your window sill."

For some reason, that made me feel reassured, even though I don't believe in God and doubt my friend did either.